


The Flying Car Incident

by Ziggy_Scardust



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Arthur makes Sirius laugh for once, Canon Compliant, Gen, Grimmauld Place, Missing Scene, Order of the Phoenix Behind the Scenes, Rare moment of levity, Remus Lupin hates that motorbike, Sirius Black should really not be cooped up in that house, Sirius and Arthur would have been friends, Sirius rides a big black 1976 Triumph Bonneville, Tonks makes Remus nervous, Vignettes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-10
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-07-29 00:19:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16252769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ziggy_Scardust/pseuds/Ziggy_Scardust





	The Flying Car Incident

“Morning,” grunted Remus, shuffling into the kitchen in carpet slippers that Sirius eyed suspiciously; he could have sworn those had belonged to his mother at some point.

“Moony, did you get those slippers –“

“- Out of Walburga’s wardrobe in Buckbeak’s room? Yep,” answered Remus in the short, snappish tones that Sirius knew wouldn’t mellow until halfway down a strong cup of tea. “My feet were cold and I thought it would drive her mad. Where d’you keep the good teabags?”

Sirius managed a chuckle at the thought of his mother’s reaction to a half-blood werewolf wearing her slippers, and jerked a thumb at a cabinet behind his seat at the long oak table. “What time is it?”

“Nearly seven. Arthur and Tonks will be by soon.”

Sirius did not answer; if it was nearly seven, he had been awake for two hours, alternately pacing the kitchen and sitting trying to write to Harry. It had been difficult to write all summer, but with that Umbridge hag at Hogwarts it was riskier still, and Sirius had made no headway.

Remus sat down opposite him and wordlessly pushed a mug at him before taking a deep draught from his own. Then he peered down at Sirius’ many crossings-out.

“Basically impossible to write to Harry now, isn’t it?”

Sirius shrugged morosely. “Wouldn’t be so bad if that Ministry bitch weren’t there. I’ll find a way around it.”

“Did you ever find those mirrors?”

“Not yet. I’m dead certain they’re in one of those boxes, but Merlin, Moony, what did you do, shut your eyes and throw everything into random piles?”

Remus had just drained his mug – which was how Sirius knew it was safe to start ribbing him – and raised an eyebrow. “Bit rich, coming from the man who cast Blasting Curses on every bit of his old man’s study except for the liquor cabinet.” Sirius felt the corners of his mouth twitch in spite of himself.

“Well, I had to do something to amuse myself now that the kids have gone,” he answered, trying to sound casual.

“It seems really empty without them,” mused Remus in agreement. “Wish we’d had a bit more time with Harry. He shouldn’t have had to stay so long with the Muggles.”

Sirius nodded, staring down into his tea. He knew Harry was glad to be returning to Hogwarts, after so nearly being expelled, but couldn’t help how much he’d wanted him to stay longer.

“Pads, try not to mope.”

Sirius looked up, and realized Remus was staring at him, and seemed to be reading his mind.

“I know you miss Harry – so do I – but he has to go to school. Minnie’s got an eye on him. Moping’s a waste of time when you still need to help me open up all those boxes. I packed them on my own –“

“- that’s obvious –“ snorted Sirius.

“- and I’m not opening those up again on my own. You need to help me burn all the pictures of Peter.”

Sirius managed a grim smile at this. “Well, I won’t deny that sounds really satisfying,” he answered. He stood up and stretched, then pointed his wand at the kettle Remus had used for their tea. “Aren’t Tonks and Arthur meant to arrive from Hogsmeade around –“

“Yep, we’re here,” answered a loud voice that Sirius thought unnecessarily cheery for the early morning. A shock of pink hair appeared around the edge of the door, followed by a tall, balding, red-haired man. Remus knocked over his (mercifully empty) cup of tea as he jumped at her voice; grinning at this, Sirius levitated fresh mugs to the newcomers.

“Everything went alright, then?”

“Perfectly smooth. Everyone arrived safely at Hogwarts, nothing suspicious, no one followed us. Harry looks fine,” Tonks added as she looked over at Sirius. “Poor kid got a bit of a shock when he saw the Thestrals. But Minerva said he’s doing fine so far, and bless that kid Ron, he’s really sticking up for him.”

Sirius nodded his thanks at the news, and sat down heavily at the table again, gripping his mug. He supposed he couldn’t have hoped for Harry to be perfectly happy, not with everything he’d gone through in the last few months, but he’d forgotten the Thestrals, and how unsettling they were when you first started to see them.

Arthur sat next to him, and nudged his elbow, breaking into his reverie. “Sirius, Minerva said to ask you if you wanted your motorbike back – it’s taking up space in Hagrid’s shed.”

Sirius sat up eagerly. “Hang on – Hagrid still has my motorbike?”

“I hoped you’d forgotten about that menace,” growled Remus, but Sirius didn’t care – he’d loved Buckbeak’s company on his travels, but still missed traveling by bike. No matter what James had said, it was even better than a broom, and definitely faster.

“Apparently, yes, he has your motorbike, but he’s still away and the substitute Care of Magical Creatures professor wants to put supplies in that shed. So Minerva said she’ll send it to you by Portkey if you want it.”

“ _If_ I want it?” Sirius was grinning more broadly now. “Can you send her a Patronus now?”

“Not now, she’ll be at breakfast,” answered Arthur, checking his watch. “I’ll do it later, she gave me her timetable.” He took a sip of tea. “Sirius, can I ask you something?”

“Yeah?” answered Sirius with some trepidation. As well as he’d been getting along with Arthur, he was still responsible for the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office, and if he learned Sirius had enchanted a Muggle motorbike…

“What exactly _is_ a motorbike? I mean, it’s some sort of Muggle vehicle, but how does it _work_?”

Sirius laughed, partly out of relief, partly because Arthur sounded so very much like his teenage self, quizzing Lily on everything to do with motorbikes after one had roared past on a Muggle road once.

“Okay, well, basically it’s like a Muggle car, only made to be ridden a bit like a broomstick,” he began.

“Really? With _brakes_? And a carbubator and everything?”

“Car-bu-re-tor,” corrected Sirius, trying to contain his own excitement. “Yeah, it’s for one – or two – riders, one holding onto a set of handlebars – that’s how you steer – and then another person rides pillion in the back. Basically all the same bits of a car, but made to go on two wheels.”

“Fascinating,” answered Arthur dreamily. “These Muggle machines, they’re ingenious. You know I used to have a car?”

“Ah, so that’s how you know about carburetors?”

“Well, yes. I did a bit of tinkering with that car.” He winked at Sirius. “I managed to, er, _enhance_ it quite a bit.”

Sirius raised an eyebrow. “I thought you were the Head of the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office?”

“Ah, well,” continued Arthur in a satisfied manner, “I was in charge of writing some of the laws around enchanting Muggle objects, you see. But I’d already gotten hold of the car at the time, so I wrote in a loophole regarding _intention_ to use the car’s magical powers, so the actual – er – enhanced abilities of the car wouldn’t be a problem per _se_.”

Remus was shaking his head in amusement, and Tonks was smirking next to him.

“ _Brilliant_ ,” said Sirius fervently. “So what did you do to the car?”

“Well, when I was done with it, it could fly with this Invisibility Booster so it couldn’t be seen by Muggles,” answered Arthur proudly.

“Clever,” said Sirius admiringly. “I bewitched mine to make it fly as well, and it goes faster than any normal bike you’d ever see – faster than any broom, as well, for that matter,” he continued smugly. “But I probably should have thought of Disillusioning it or something. Had a bit of a run-in with Muggle police one night.”

“Continuous invisibility on something like that is really tricky, though,” began Arthur, warming to his subject. “You’ve got to make sure it applies to all the moving parts, and the charms don’t start wearing off at different times. And even then it can flicker – Harry and Ron were spotted by a few Muggles that time they flew it to Hogwarts.”

“Hang on – what did you say?” Sirius wasn’t sure he’d heard correctly. “Remus, what’s he talking about?”

“Don’t bother Remus about it, this was before his time at Hogwarts,” said Arthur, chuckling. “Oh, I can’t believe you haven’t heard this story yet. I think Harry still feels a bit guilty about it, but Ron always looks pleased with himself whenever someone mentions it.”

“Okay, you really have to explain this to me now,” said Sirius, wondering what on earth was going on.

“Sirius, hold on – just, don’t get upset, obviously Harry and Ron are absolutely fine and nothing went _too_ far wrong. But I’d rather make sure you’re not going to send him a Howler before I tell you the story,” said Arthur, though the laughter hadn’t left his face.

“Arthur, I’m a convicted murderer who broke out of Azkaban, hiding in my mother’s basement with a werewolf and a stolen Hippogriff, and I just told the Head of the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office that I have a flying motorbike that a couple of Muggle policemen saw up close. I’m not going to send Harry a Howler, now just tell me.” He thought for a moment. “And considering _your_ son was involved and _you_ think it’s hysterical, I doubt it’s anything bad.”

“Well, you’re right, it’s not too bad,” said Arthur, beginning to chuckle again. “Oh, Molly was upset about it, especially after there was an inquiry at my work, but I’d written myself that loophole, so it was all fine.”

“I just want to say, Arthur, that was a brilliant move, writing the loophole in,” chipped in Tonks from behind her mug. Sirius nodded in agreement, looking expectantly at Arthur.

“Well, at the start of Harry and Ron’s second year, he’d been to stay with us, so we took all the kids to the station together in the car. But Harry and Ron were the last to go through the barrier, and the arch had sealed itself for some reason, so they couldn’t get through and missed the train.”

“I’m starting to see where this is going,” said Sirius, a grin starting to spread across his face.

“Well, they were 12 at the time, and I suppose I should have expected better of them – after all, Harry has Hedwig, he could easily have sent an owl to Hogwarts to explain – but for whatever reason, they decided it would be a brilliant idea to fly the car there instead, because Ron knew Molly and I would just Apparate home.”

Sirius let out a short, bark-like laugh, slapping a hand down on the table. “Oh, I wish I’d been there for that conversation.”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “I don’t think they exactly put much thought into it. Anyway, Molly and I came back out and discovered the car was gone, but Ron and Harry were gone too, and we supposed we’d missed them in the rush for the train – we were almost late for it. Anyway, I’d built a Tracker Charm into the car as well, so I activated that, because we thought a Muggle might have stolen the car, which wouldn’t go well at all. And we saw it was already well on the way north, and we realized what they must have done.”

Sirius was still chuckling to himself. “I suppose Molly went spare, did she?”

“Oh, she did,” snorted Arthur, “but Ron and the twins had already flown the car a couple of times, so she wasn’t really worried, just annoyed they’d be that stupid.”

“Sorry about that,” muttered Sirius. “Pretty sure Harry gets that from James, wish I’d been able to warn you.”

Arthur waved an airy hand, and continued. “Anyway, they were mostly above the clouds, but they kept dipping down to follow the train, and the Invisibility Booster must have been faulty, because before they arrived at Hogwarts the _Prophet_ had a front-page story titled “FLYING FORD ANGLIA MYSTIFIES MUGGLES”. Arthur broke off, chuckling harder than ever.

Sirius laughed again, and for the first time in a long time, felt like he couldn’t stop, leaning back in his wooden chair. “Oh, I can’t – it’s almost too funny – this is _so_ like them – “

“This is exactly how he and James reacted the night they confused the hell out of those Muggle policemen,” nodded Remus to Tonks, and Sirius noticed her giggle at him, but he didn’t care - this was the best story he’d heard in a long time.

“Wait, Sirius, it gets better,” added Arthur, finding his voice again.

“ _Better_? How?” gasped Sirius, struggling to control his mirth.

“Well, when they arrived at Hogwarts, the car was starting to get tired,” began Arthur.

“Tired?” said Sirius, confused.

“I think it became a bit…self-aware, after I enchanted it,” explained Arthur awkwardly. “Anyway, we sent an owl to Hogwarts to explain what was going on and to apologize, so the staff knew to let us know when they arrived. And – oh my – you won’t believe this – but they lost control of the car just as they were clearing the lake, and apparently Minerva was watching, and they just careened straight into a tree.” He paused, and Sirius looked expectantly at him. “But not just any tree,” he continued dramatically.

“You don’t mean –“ began Remus.

“Did they – did they _seriously_ fly into the Whomping Willow?” asked Sirius incredulously.

“Right in one,” nodded Arthur, beginning to laugh again. “Oh, it was so ridiculous – the tree started pummeling the car, according to Minerva, and eventually the car managed to get itself on the ground, and it threw Harry and Ron straight out and went off by itself into the Forbidden Forest. Apparently it’s really got a mind of its own now, been living wild in there.” He broke off into a fresh run of chuckles.

“But they weren’t hurt?” asked Sirius, still grinning.

“No,” hiccupped Arthur, “But they did cause a bit of damage to the tree. I got a picture from Minerva a few days later, of Sprout putting loads of the Willow’s branches into – into slings –“ he broke off as his voice dissolved into helpless laughter. Sirius was leaning back in his chair, wiping tears out of his eyes.

“Inspired…” he managed to gasp out, his sides aching. “Oh, I can’t believe this – that’s the best story I’ve heard in ages, Arthur, thanks,” he managed.

“Molly sent Ron a Howler, and he probably deserved it,” said Arthur, pulling himself together, “but really, I’m just pleased the car could make it all that way.”

Sirius was still chuckling to himself. “Oh, I wish I _could_ send Harry a Howler right now, just to scare him and make him think I’m angry before I tell him how insanely funny this whole thing sounds,” he said. “I mean, Arthur, I’m really sorry Harry – and Ron, I suppose – stole your car, but this is absolutely hilarious.”

“I told you that kid was a magnet for trouble,” grumbled Remus from further down the table, but even he – and he’d always hated the motorbike – seemed to be suppressing a grin.

“Yeah, well, they weren’t hurt and it was years ago now,” grinned Arthur, mopping his forehead. “So now even Molly’s started to see the funny side. We got more owls from Hogwarts about Fred and George in that one term afterward than we had in their first three years at school, just because they were trying to compete with Harry and Ron with regards to big-scale trouble.”

“Come to think of it,” said Sirius, furrowing his brow, “how much trouble were they in? You said Molly sent Ron a Howler, and that’s certainly punishment enough, but I can only assume Minnie had words with them?”

“Well, we got an owl after they’d arrived, thanking us for alerting them ahead of time, telling us what happened, and assuring us they were both safe and would be serving the worst possible detention that Minerva could think up,” answered Arthur, leaning back in his chair. “Apparently for Ron the worst possible detention is polishing trophies the Muggle way. I’ve heard far too many complaints about how difficult Muggle cleaning is.”

Sirius laughed, tilting his chair back on two legs. “Hope this summer wasn’t too awful for him, then,” he said. “I’m surprised Minnie didn’t threaten them with expulsion.”

“Well, it was Albus who sent us the letter, actually,” continued Arthur. “He said if Harry and Ron broke any more rules then he _would_ have to expel them. They mostly toed the line after that.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Somehow I can’t really see them sticking to that one.”

“I did say _mostly_ ,” grinned Arthur.


End file.
